DISCLAIMER: I started writing the beginning of summer. And many thoughts and theories crossed my mind that I still want to share. This post is one of the first I wrote, that I’m publishing now.
Iktara plays in the background. The early morning light bounces off of windows, the hoods of cars, and the metal on motorcycles. Figures walk busily to their destinations, while others start opening shop and preparing for the day.
My sister and I started the day with an argument. The kind where you’re both tired and not really upset with each other; it’s more of a slight annoyance so you choose the most convenient person to be the victim of your wrath.
But, now in the car, I don’t feel like dwelling upon it. I can choose to just let go, though I still think I was probably right. Like always 😉 But that’s where the idea of me being intentionally positive came up. And I looked out the window, with soothing morning music playing in the background, a stark contrast to the mandatory morning radio ads, and I had felt a slight positivity. Hence, I decided to be intentionally positive today. I don’t know how that’s exactly going to manifest itself, but I suppose it starts with taking everything in the most positive manner. If I’m tired, there is no need to snap at others. There is no need to feel like I’ve been wronged, or I’m having a bad day, or anything of the sort. Whatever happens, whatever someone tells me or says to me, I wont take it harshly.
And, perhaps I will right a few wrongs from previous days? Not sure about that, but lets see.
Well, it didn’t go so well. I was in office all day, and that was okay. But then I reached cyberhub join my sister for a coffee, until she had to suddenly leave me to finish up some work. I decided to be chill about it instead of sulk that it wasn’t how I imagined it to be… after all, everything doesn’t have to be perfect. And then I was kind of lost what to do, since I didn’t want to unnecessarily have caffeine (I’m trying a coffee detox this summer :P), and I was pretty full to eat something. But boredom gave way my resolve to abstain from caffeine, and I headed to Starbucks. Now, my mom just told me that cold coffee doesn’t have that much caffeine. But I still accidentally ordered a hot coffee. I think I was a little confused, because I still wasn’t too sure what I wanted. Then I realized I had wanted something with less coffee, so perhaps a mocha. So then I felt a little bad. I know, I am very sensitive at times and take stupid things to heart. But, I was slightly annoyed at myself. I messaged my mom that, and perhaps that was my mistake; in retrospect my message was probably sent to garner sympathy or hear an, ‘its ok, it’s still not that bad’ to make me feel better. But instead, I received a message that kind of blamed it on my bad mood. And that snapped me out of my positivity; which I had already sort of forgotten being intentional about. And I sent one short message back to my mom; think of it as snapping on social media. Which triggered many unprecedented emotional messages from my mom. Which hurt. Hurt badly. And from there, I felt like it had now become the worst day ever.
Yet, while typing this out, I am suddenly determined to stay positive. No doubt it is hard. But, I am in Starbucks, one of my favorite places, and I am here alone, which I also don’t mind. And even though I might be feeling bad for drinking coffee, I am still drinking what used to be my absolute favorite drink just a week back. So it is ok. I guess this is what it means when they say, when life throws you lemons, make lemonade.
And now, 5 minutes later, my mom called asking for groceries. She will be fine too.
Now the only problem is that my first official write up for a website called The Wedding Script has gone missing from my sister’s mac! I was working on it today itself, in office, and I had edited it, and it was in its final stages. I am slightly freaking out right now… but let’s still keep a positive attitude. Everything else worked out so far. My sister is coming; hopefully she will be able to retrieve it. Fingers crossed…
Just to let you know, I did stay positive (which I most definitely would not have done had I not been trying to be intentional) by trying to think of all the ways how it needn’t be a big deal; I knew what I had to write, and I rewriting it would just give me practice on my writing skills. Not the end of the world. But, guess what? My sister was finally able to retrieve it, and the story had a happy ending 😀